Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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