the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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