In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
