so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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