Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
