Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
