Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
