Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
