they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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