Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
