if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize