i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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