My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
