tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
