dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
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