He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
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A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
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I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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