Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
