Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
