My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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