I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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