Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Please don't give away my fajitas
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