my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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