Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
