a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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