Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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