I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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