Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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