i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
