I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
