worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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