We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
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