I think i peed on brittanys purse
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
