i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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