hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
