There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
