I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Randomize
