I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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