I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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