Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
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