You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Randomize
