plz talk dirty to me
too bad you live with your parents still
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
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I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
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You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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