Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
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