i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Randomize
