dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
