White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I have feelings that need drinking.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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