I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
