literally had 100 drinks last night.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
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Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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