how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Randomize
