We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
