Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
