So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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