so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
