I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
