she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
