Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
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