Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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