The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
