Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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