and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
