my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Randomize
