I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
We need to rekindle our bromance
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
