Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
