If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
