I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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